post script to my mojo disappearance

I actually wrote the post about my mojo and giving up cigarettes three weeks ago. I decided not to post it then because giving up cigarettes is quite a private affair and in the early days, particularly the first three, things feel like they can go either way. Not saying I thought I would fail (or still will) but if I did fail I didn't want it broadcasted on the web.

The problem with giving up cigarettes is how it has affected my writing. I have been reluctant to write because the one time I would reward myself with a cigarette was after I had written something I liked. Most other cigarettes were smoked because I needed them (being addicted), or because it was routine (like a cigarette with coffee). But when I write there's something about going outside and having a cigarette after you have written something you are pleased with. Likewise, there's something about having a cigarette when you are stuck on a sentence and you need to cogitate. There's also something about having a cigarette after you have been writing for a while and need a break, heck, there's just something about cigarettes.....

Why oh why did I give up?

..........

yeah I know, cos it's bad for me, but also, I don't want our child to see me smoking, or to smell stale tobacco when I hold her. I'm not saying I have given up because of the child, but rather, becoming a father is one of those events that provides the impetus to give up.

.....

see, right here, I'm thinking, 'now how can I conclude this post?'
I know, I'll have a cigarette and think about it....